Navigating life after loss: Expert shares tips to coping with death of spouse

Losing a long-time spouse can be traumatic. Life without your loved one can be daunting, and moving forward can seem impossible.

Following the death of former first lady Rosalynn Carter who was married to former President Jimmy Carter for 77 years, FOX 5 spoke with an expert and a man who lived through the pain. They say it is very possible to emerge from the pain after the loss of your life-long partner and are sharing tips to help others.

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Bob Hope and his wife, Susan, were married for 46 years.

"You realize after 46 years you pretty much become the same person," Hope said.

Susan led a healthy life.

"There was never any thought in my mind that Susan wasn’t going to be around a long time after I was gone," Hope said.

But in 2015, Susan died from liver cancer.

"The hollowness of it is almost overwhelming," Hope said. "It really was pretty dramatic and traumatic, too, to have to face something like that."

Hope had centered his identity around life with Susan.

"You feel like you’re on an island by yourself. You just don’t know how to deal with the world without her," Hope said.

"When that person dies, it feels like I don’t have a life left," said clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge.

Zonnebelt-Smeenge said losing your long-time spouse can be excruciating and may feel disorienting.

"Who am I now? Who am I a without this person? We’ve so interwoven our lives together that now I don’t know who I am without that person," she suggested people may be thinking.

A widowed partner can feel a range of complex emotions.

"Definitely intense sadness and pain, and grief, and also some depression," she said. "Guilt, feel anger, feel regret, sometimes feel relief."

Zonnebelt-Smeenge said it's important to know you can still move forward.

"People eventually have to face the pain. Going through all the things, all the memorabilia, all the pictures, all the clothing, going to visit all the places, going back to all the favorite restaurants and all the spots," Zonnebelt-Smeenge said.

Hope said he’s learned to live without the love of his life.

"You’re fairly depressed for a period of time. Then, you just think, ‘I got to go on with my life, whatever my life is going to be,’" Hope said. "I thought, ‘How blessed are you to have a relationship like that in your lifetime.’"  

Zonnebelt-Smeenge compared the grieving process to putting your hand over a burner. You can’t leave it there too long, and you also can’t avoid the pain. But, good news: That pain can eventually lead to healing.